I am going to appear to be going slightly off topic than what I usually write about, but since the balance between your personal and business life is so vital in having a fulfilled life, I wanted to share something personal.
I love the idea of a recovery versus a rebound.
I love the idea of a recovery versus a rebound. I recently broke up with someone who I considered to be the love of my life for several reasons that summarized with him showing me that he wasn’t or isn’t the person I fell in love with. Last week, I requested we have a talk to determine if I broke it off with him for the right reasons. The talk, like several before it, didn’t go quite as I planned. He ended up just stating that he’d rather be single. So, I left with no intention of ever getting in touch with him again. It has been the greatest heartache I have experienced to date: like my chest was physically being ripped open. I’m sure there’s a scientific explanation for all of that feeling, but I don’t ever want to experience it again. And, to add icing on the cake: I was terminated from my most recent job two days later, (yes, you can go ahead and kick me while I’m down).
But, a couple of days after this hell week started I met a gentlemen who had very similar characteristics to the love I just lost: older, engineer, and sexy. Even though he was a very good listener and was extremely sympathetic to my situation, I told myself that it wouldn’t be fair to get involved with him. Plus, he was moving out of state in a few days. Well, surprisingly, that last point made it easier for both of us to enjoy each other’s company for just the few days we had. He reminded me how I should be treated: respectfully and wanted. Not necessarily needed. There are few needs that only a person can provide a fully functional adult, so honestly we don’t “need” someone else in the sense of a relationship, personal or business. Everyone is replaceable, as I learned just o-so recently and harshly.
Everyone is replaceable…
We want others to help complete us in whatever we’re missing within our character and soul. We usually fill these gaps with friends, family, even strangers and maybe work. Just like how I had this stranger help start to fill the hole left by my former lover and job. He wasn’t my rebound; he was a much more critical component in my recovery. He didn’t try to overlook or shy away from the ugliness of the situation I was in. He embraced it. And I am/will be extremely grateful to him for seeing something amazing in me during a time where I felt nothing more than broken.
Though I wouldn’t always recommend running to someone to solve your problems, it certainly helps having a shoulder to lean or cry on. And in similar endings of relationships I’ve had in the past, I didn’t see the ending coming and I didn’t have that shoulder to cry on afterwards. They just hit me unawares in the face, but I was more prepared for the blows this time and though the blows still stung, I came away with much more in the way of personal development than I have so far. When before I would be crippled and bitter for days, pushing all the blame on the other person while simultaneously asking myself what I could’ve done different, I’m doing and did something different.
Earn the “W” to change “hole” to “Whole.”
This time I recognized the ending coming in both situations and instead of taking it lying down, I tried to resolve the issues through open, honest, and non-accusational communication. I aired the dirty laundry to the appropriate parties and asked for the Febreze®. I didn’t want to sweep my problems under the rug like I used to; I faced the problems head-on. I looked at filling that “hole” by earning a W for the win so I and the involved parties could become “whole.” And though most people, including myself initially, would see my situation as a landslide loss or “L,” I think I’ll call this as a “T” for the situation and myself. Yes, I lost my current livelihood and someone I loved, but I realize I have to be more patient and flexible. I don’t have to change my strong, determined, and perfectionist stance, but I need a shred of sympathy in my stance. My stubborn self needs to adjust the strategy: Fight as if you’re right, listen as if you’re wrong.
We’re human: we will mess-up, we will lose things extremely dear to us, and we will not always be in control of those things. I am more accepting of my environment and situation now. Surprisingly, I am also more at peace because even though I did more than I ever had in similar situations previously and I still got a “L,” I know I did all I could at that moment and I learned that for next time I will be more patient, sympathetic, and flexible. This willingness to improve is what winners do.
Give thanks to someone who was there to support you through some tough times, professional or personal. This it to you, JT. Thank you for helping me on the path to recovery.
Photo credit: http://lovesayingsquotes.blogspot.com/2015/09/love-lost-quotes.html